Thrown

Chapter 1
Thermostat:

I woke up to the sound of my mother arguing with some unknown person. Her voice was shrill and antagonizing. “This is absolutely ridiculous! I refuse to pay a cent!” I envisioned her hands on hips yelling at some innocent man. “They have been checking my thermostat for free for the past…my whole life…no I’m not paying a cent!” I pull the covers over my head to try to drown out the noise. It is 10:48 a.m. My body aches, from to much sleeping, my head feels empty, will this feeling ever go away? I switch positions again, more muffled arguing from the living room. I lay on my back, my chest feels to heavy, and there’s this ache in my thoughts, just before my subconscious takes over.
I wake up an hour later to my mother on the phone. “Jill? Yeah can you believe they tried to charge me! I swear this is ridiculous, they’ve been checking my thermostat for free for the past…” I suppose I should get up, it’d be to painful to stay in bed. With these numbing thoughts that I’m sure will eventually paralyze. This isn’t apathy, this isn’t healing. This is…the scar tissue, permanent? Most likely, but I can only hope with years (oh..years can I last that long?) that it’ll fade. It’s time to get up
I sit at the kitchen table, my mother is across the phone still yacking her head off. I always feel odd eating breakfast in the afternoon, but waking up and eating lunch would feel wrong. Brunch? Too formal. All I can hear is the sound of my masticating. Cereal for breakfast. My mother continues her conversation as I tried to drown the sound out with my chewing… “I swear the world today is so upside down, so crooked and backwards….” Chew Chew Chew Chew. “Alright Jill talk to you later! Yep…uh huh….Buh Bye”

Silence. My mother stares at me, I can’t tell if the lines on her face are worried or annoyed, I don’t look up. “Beth you have an appointment with Lilly today at 2 right?”
Lilly? Two? I think still not looking up. “It’s Saturday” she says with a slightly worried slightly annoyed tone. “Yeah” I say pretending I knew all along. “Alright be ready.”
2 o’clock. It’s 12 now. Two hours for sleep. I crawl back into bed with a slightly heavier stomach. I tried to hide under my covers, but I can feel it, no matter where I go, as if it’s watching me. As if she’s watching me. I shudder at the pronoun and my cereal threatens to make it’s way out of it’s warm bed. I wait desperately for sleep to take over, feeling just as disasterous if not worse as when I walked out of it a half hour ago. She She She She. The words jab into my head. Forcibly painfully. I clutch my skull. Till I’m not conscious any more.

Chapter 2:
Lily

I remember it so vividly and I can’t help but feel like my brain does it just to spite me. What did I do wrong? Why do the good memories fade and whether while the bad ones become more deeply etched in as each day passes. I remember the day. I remember I had been thinking about a magazine article I had read about Mcjagger. He was from Ohio, not Okonkwo but about an hour away. I remember if he could get so famous why can’t I? I feel foolish now remembering my thoughts. People always desire honor, and fame, we don’t deserve that, we don’t deserve nothing. Then everything seemed to shatter and Mcjagger being from Ohio was a fickle thought. I looked up at the street and I heard the thud…..

“BETH!” my mother shrilly screams “Let’s go! We have 6 minutes to get there!” It’s 1:54. We’re always late.

We arrived to Lily’s office at 2:26. I slipped into the waiting room and found it empty with the exception of a pouty looking over weight mother discussing something the the secretary at the front desk. “So if my daughter refuses to go to the meetings the insurance stops paying.” The secretary looking flustered and noticed me, “Beth,” she said slightly annoyed “Lily is waiting for you.”

I had been going to Lily for about 6 months, after it had happened. The insurance gave me some temporary psychological disorder and sent me here. This wasn’t a real phsychologist office. Not to say that Lily wasn’t a real psychologist she had the placks on the wall and everything but she worked for the insurance company. It was a cheap one.
It seemed like everything in my life had been that way. I didn’t resent this, I was used to it. I even took a little pride in it. People with brittle bones had to go to real psychologists and paid tons of money to cry about problems that weren’t really their.
Did I have a problem that wasn’t really there. I don’t know. The insurance company sent me here. That is all.

I thought about the woman at the counter. A lot of kids don’t like coming here. For the past few months I’ve seen all sorts of them come in and out. I never really minded Lily, it always seemed normal that I should dislike her. When my mother first brought it up she stated it solemnly as a loss cause. Almost as if she knew that I’d refuse to go, but I didn’t mind it, there were some aspects that I didn’t like but Lily was nice.

I walked into Lily’s office and found her sitting in her chair writing something. The room was dimly lit with two chairs and a coach. There was a mini fountain trickling on one of her shelves amongst various books from psychology to young adult. I sat down and started playing with a zen garden which sat next to a big vanilla candle. This is what I didn’t like about this place. Everything was so strategically placed.

“How are you today Beth?” Lily asked me putting what she was writing down and looking up at me. I tried to figure out something to say. How am I today? I regular question, but did I know how I feel?

Lily didn’t like me to call her Mrs. Sanchez, when we first met she insisted on me calling her Lily, but I hated the informalness of it all. She wasn’t just Lily she wasn’t my friend. It used to upset me a lot. Why should I tell everyone to someone who does not care about me? “I do care about you Beth,” She insisted one afternoon. “I know because I’m your patient you want to see me heal.” I said my voice heavy in teen angst, “but what if the insurance company suddenly decided I was okay, and they stopped paying for these sessions?” She sat silently waiting for me to continue. “I would disappear from your life and you would disappear from mine. The End” “What’s the point of all this”
I could tell she wasn’t sure what to say. She shrugged and said, “We’re trying to heal you, I don’t know what else I can do for you, all I know is that until the insurance company stops paying for these sessions, I’ll be here for you.”

I don’t think about it anymore. It just leaves me dizzy if I do, so all I can do is come to these sessions and try to figure out whatever it is I’m trying to figure out.

November 9th, 2009 Always Dizzy
It is strange being back. As if I had been in a big whole all weekend and I had just climbed out of it. When I look back on it I just fall. People seem different, but at the same time they feel achingly the same. The things they say, the things they laugh at. It is high who is different, and I know it will fade. I walk through the hallways and see face after face after face. It is all the same. We’re moving forward, we’re moving to 4th hour 5th hour 6th hour. This trip has given me some strength, some nutrients to carry me ever onward. I can’t look back at this writing because it will all end up gone. There is a difference between Vanity and Pride says Jane Austen. Vanity is how we think the world sees us, Pride is how we see ourselves. These ideas have been floating in my head and not much else. What else can I say? Flying is what I expected. Airports are sort of lonely average places. They’re not like the movies. You don’t see Young beautiful lovers running through them begging their other half to stay. People come, people go. They’re always moving. Some wait though. Some work here. And I am just another face. Coming and going. Flying is what I expected. It’s a form of public transportation and like all the public buses I’ve been on is constructed to fit the needs of all people. It had been used by all sorts of people. And it seems a constant theme in my life, as some remain forgotten and some are quiet and ambivalent. This is a constant, deflated expectations. Once I get to wherever I’m going I find that I’ve forgotten something where I was at, and long to go back. There always seems to be something missing. In everything I go and I everything I do. I have found lately that I have internalized this notion and it has become a sort of characteristic in me. Yesterday I went to the Pennsylvania University campus. It was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen (the only college campus I have seen apart from UNO’s) There were students every where walking and talking studying, going somewhere. And I longed to be one of them walking down these streets, and have some place to go, somebody to meet, something to do. But I knew deep down, that there would be something ticking if I were them. Some impending doom –there always is-. There would be nothing there would be everything there would be something wrong. I knew If I went to school here, it would never be as good as it seemed. But maybe it would. Maybe this is just my internally defense mechanisms installed in order to make things seem not as good as they seem, but really they are. And to be quite honest I have no idea how to feel anymore. Someone. Somebody tell me how to feel. This weekend seemed to spent in lusty awe. I want, and I am in awe that such lives could exist. But secretly I know it’s never as good as it seems. Is it just me? Is it always not as good as it seems. It reminds me of a book when I was little. To little girls who lived across town from eachother. They stared at the other ones house and wished if only they lived there. The other one wished the same thing. Some how they switched homes for a day and realized that their own house looked just what they wanted it to look like. The story ended up happy, but will I end up happy. Why must everyone be happy. I heard a little blurb on talk radio. The man said something along the lines of why does everyone think god owes them something. Whenever a natural disaster happens the nations cry how could God do something like this. Why doesn’t he answer my prayers? What does he owe us, what have we given him?
The best thing I can hoped to be is humble and loved.

Emsick 1
Blair Emsick
Mrs. Martinez
APLAC
October 2009


The Double Shift
It is a beautiful Sunday morning, to warm for October, to bright for 9:30 a.m. Leaves fall lazily to the ground and everyone else in my house is asleep. I am working the double shift at CoCo Keys; 9:45 a.m. to 9:45 p.m. I get there and spot another guard Annie, we walk to the break room together talking about UNO and color guard. We walk into the break room and are welcomed by fellow tired faces. I clock in and put on my shorts and coco keys t-shirt. Big Dan our newest supervisor asks me what position I’d like to go to. “Surprise me.” I reply he says, “Alright river backyard.” We sit in the break room for a while more joking about who had a hangover, while folding towels, when Dan tells us to head out. So all of us 11 guards head out. The park feels empty and warm as I watch the other guards head to their positions. I try my best to mentally and physically prepare myself for the 12 hour day. I notice three dripping trash bags someone forgot to take out from the night before,
And also notice that one of guests from Saturday night thought it was appropriate to defecate on the steps(as a lifeguard you deal with a ridiculous amount of poop). I whistle one of the head guards over and show him the mess, he rolls his eyes and gets supplies to clean it up. I reach my spot put my tube on and settle in for the day. It’s just another
Emsick 2
morning at CoCo keys.
This place seems to be as much as my home as it is my prison. With about 40 other guards somehow we’ve all managed to become pretty close. We’re like a big family or inmates, waiting for our sentence to come to an end, waiting for closing time, but the majority of the time you’re not talking to other guards you’re watching your water. Sometimes I’ll get asked by a guest if we get bored walking back and forth just staring at the water. The truth is we can’t get bored. Working a 12 hour shift one has to find something to occupy their mind, or else they might go insane. I memorized the alphabet backwards once (Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T…) but most of the time I day dream. What if that man right there had a heart attack? What if I suddenly started seizing would any of the other guards save me? What if I get a 36 on my ACT. I think that’s one of my favorite parts about working at CoCo. I can let my thoughts turn and fall where they may, sometimes I create a whole different life in my head, but sometimes on a bad day with only me and my thoughts I can feel your mind slipping away from me.
The day lurches forward slowly, I take my break and gossip in the break room with Heaven, another guard. 3 o’clock rolls around and I see my sister Sarah come on to work the evening shift. Five more hours till closing time I think (plus a half our of cleaning then an hour of in-service.)
At CoCo Keys one sees a lot of things. I meet hundreds and hundreds of people a week and learn a lot about the world. It’s a place where families come old and new, unconventional, and conventional come to relax and have fun. The oddest part is that everyone seems to be happy. Sometimes I find myself wondering can people really be this
Emsick 3
happy? CoCo key even as a my work place offers a temporary escape from the world, where your only worry is when if it going to be your turn on the slides. Is it ironic that I find my sense of place, at a place that is so disconnected from the real world? I’m not sure
I really enjoy meeting and talking to all the guests at CoCo. I build connections with these people, if only for a day, and I really feel at home meeting and talking to all the guests. We have this motto at work, “Make their day” but often I find that the guests make my day.
The evening is winding down and I anxiously watch my watch. CoCo keys is lit up almost majestically and it is one of the coolest things you’ll ever see. Our Supervisor closes the park a half hour early because all the guests have gone. All the guards are feeling good as we get assigned our jobs. I’m assigned women’s restroom and finish at 8 o’clock the time we usually close. In-service doesn’t start till 8:45 so the other guards and I sit and hang out in the break room. Finally in-service begins and we head to the lobby. Tonight’s topic: CPR. For an our we practice cpr on an adult, child, and infant. Finally 9:45 rolls around and my sister and I walk out to my car discussing interesting guests we met, or weird tattoos we saw, and I glance back at the glowing building. Even after a 12 hour shift I find myself I little hesitant to leave.

Jungle Boogie
After the homecoming game was almost rained out the central football players came back tp the field a little wet but ambitious, and they triumphed.

Central won the first game of the season against the Grand Island Gators. After Central‘s first victory everyone was ready to celebrate at the homecoming dance
. Homecoming took place earlier this year on Sept. 12, compared to the past years October dates. Although the search for the perfect dress and shoes was a little more rushed then up, Central students showed up and were looking swell.
The Pom Squad and sponsor, Jane Luethge came up with the theme and were in charge of decorations.

“Mrs. Luegthe came up with the theme Jungle Boogie and it sort of turned into a tropical rain forest theme”, says Pom Squad member Catherine Carter (12).

The pom squad arrived the morning of the dance at 7 to decorate the gymnasium and the cafeteria.

“We split up into groups of 4 and 5 and everyone had their own tasks to accomplish,” says Carter. “I was in charge of putting the backdrop on the bleachers.”

The homecoming king and queen were seniors Ayomide Adekunle and Alexis Page. Adekunle was surprised at the announcement

“I really didn’t expect to become homecoming king,” says Adekunle, “When they put the crown on my head all I could do was smile, I was so happy.”

The D.J. played favorites such as “Boom Boom Pow” by the Black Eyed Peas, oldies such as “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls, and “Thriller” by Michael Jackson.

The music stopped at 10:30 p.m., and after a night of dancing, laughing, and singing everyone could agree that Homecoming was an unforgettable night.

Key Club
Row 1: Fang Bin Zheng, Edna D'Souza, Jordan Somer, Olivia Bell, Henry Gentle, Irene Haorei, Erika Guembes, Brent Julus
Row 2: Wei Zhaw, Che'Lynn Thompson, Darrien Howard, Yvette Medina, Alicia Miranda, Ke-Shay Augustine, Mecia Augustine, Sha-ann Augustine, Shalonda Brown, Naya Swain

Art Club
Row 1:Matt Tillwick, Daniel Ellis, Laura Richwine, Kayla Tibbles, Jeni Mcpeck
Row 2: Lea Stenslokken, Dawaune Hanes, Katie Samsen, Max Burgess, Evan Stoler, Anisa Aden, Briana Davis,
Row 3: Rachel Carlson, Riley Maxwell, Diamond Davis, Sarah Paul, Myles Davis
Row 4: Clarence, Anita Hodge, Bridget Monson
Row 5: Lee Lohman, Mrs Simmons, Mrs, Taucreti, Mrs Warren

not pictured: Yanira Perez Flores

Adventure Club: floor: Katherine Scarpello, Thomas Grabenschroer, David Monson, Natalie Wilkinson

Row 1: Joann Wiggins, Amanda Wiggins, Bailey Newman, Sabrina Schrack, Lauren Bandel, Kassy Seffron, Brenna Panison, Gabriel Bridgford, Imagine Uhlenborck, Alex Bogatz

Row 2:Joseph Cool, Eduardo Estrada, Katie Fosmer, Stephanie Thomsen, Irene Haorei, Kylie Weatherfield Kayla Schwery, Danielle Wallace, Sean Summerfelt

Row 3: (?) Jorge Estrada, Shaleigh Karnik, Lea Stenslokken, Lauren Southard, Amanda Pounds, Connor Mcneely, Charlene Adams,Sunday Thvok

Row 4: Edgar Azpeitra, Janetta Godbolt, Skyler Thomas-Koehn, NaQuecia Rollerson, Terrel Brown, Jack Larson, Stevie Behrens, Tia Spencer, Sean Froeming, Harrison Leitch, Sean Froeming